Life at the Art Museum

today i walked around the art museum for 7 hours. this is my job. i have to protect the work, but according to my handbook "you can not arrest someone for breaking a rule in the museum. a rule breaker can not be manhandled, physically abused, handcuffed, punched, or even unnecessarily detained." when i read this it took all the action out of work, but i got to thinking a lot, which is....like....ALL i ever want to do.

i think my favorite painting at the museum is called Faggot gathering in the forest. of course the title is the only reason i like the painting, but art is SO cognitive -- which is what most people don't even understand. even the artists intended meaning probably doesn't come close to how i interpret it unless he was a complete jackass.

i am a huge fan of modern art and the ideas behind it and more contemporary works and activities, but after walking through religious and academic orientalism all day, i have to say they are pretty sweet.

first, there is this 16th century painting of jesus (the messiah) sitting on a church altar while mass is going on. he is sticking his hands out and spraying blood into a golden chalice which, i believe "saint" gregory is then going to drink and give to his congregation. how fucking bad ass?

second, there is this totally "dope smoke" painting called moroccans inspecting weapons. i don't believe it gets very much attention at the museum, but it's got these gangsterly looking moroccans chilling in a bazaar booth. one has swords strapped to him and he's checking out this insanely fancy rifle while the other is watching and getting stoned out of this huge opium pipe. they are kind of ripped and look like hard ass mofos.

third, there's a painting of king herod's party with a belly dancer of some sort entertaining this crazy group of court nobility. there are some freaky looking musicians and hypnotic fractal-like patterned tapestry and gold and cheetahs everywhere. i thought this would be a bomb ass party to go to, or at least get stoned and look at. but i don't do drugs and this leads me into another thing i was thinking about:

so, seriously, if someone believes, first of all, in jesus as god, and secondly that there were actually "three wise men" or "three kings", doesn't the person who believes in this also have to admit that these "three wise men" were complete lunatics? i mean, they followed a STAR to find THE SON OF GOD. it all sounds a bit paradoxical to me, since this ties jesus' birth into a cosmological setting, and so we have to assume that these "wise men" were something of astrologists, pegans or mystics. all things which i think are totally cool, but it gets a little weird when christians, especially christian children, are taught that these people were so wise and special while ignoring that they were probably pegans or the very least scientists....and then think of the inquisition or what happened with copernicus and you have to admit, it's all a bit fucked up. i guess i just wonder what would have happened if jesus was never born. at the very worst, no one would ever be granted salvation from god....which makes him sound like kind of a dick head of a god of he creates salvation and people, but doesn't give it to them. and now that i'm thinking of it, how the hell does it make sense for any christians to believe that jesus' death allows "the gates of heaven" to be unlocked for them.

geez....religion is all about being obsessed with death and failure.